Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Matthew 16:24-25
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Romans 12:1
I thought I had died!
A dear friend of mine was recently giving a testimony about her first year in motherhood at our local MOPS group. “I thought I had died!” she had said describing those first couple of months with a newborn. We all laughed, but I could immediately empathize. There’s something about becoming a mother for the first time that almost feels like a death.
I don’t think this is accidental. I think this “death” is purposeful and essential to motherhood (or fatherhood for that matter). In fact, although the difficulty of those first couple of months eases up with time, I would venture to say that being a mother isn’t about a one-time death, but a daily death to yourself.
Deceitful Hearts
I’m not saying that I feel dead every day I’m mothering my little one, not at all! What I am saying is that being a good mother requires me to take to heart those words Jesus spoke to his disciples in Matthew 16:
Deny myself…my heart’s worldly desires knowing that the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick (Jeremiah 17:9). I know that my sinful nature produces desires that are not of God and I must daily put to death those desires and fix my eyes on HIS ways (Psalm 119:15).
Take up my cross…and not just accept but relish the work God has provided for me to do knowing that the cross He has asked me to bear is far lighter than the cross He bore for me.
Follow Him…wherever He leads for as long as He leads me there.
Lose my life for His sake…knowing that a life lost for His sake is never really lost, but is eternally found.
So every day I must die to myself. My son requires it. My God requires it. And to fight against it is to relinquish joy.
Laying It All Down
So today, I lay down my life for Jesus, who did not hesitate in laying down His life for me.
I lay down my free time knowing that my time was never mine anyway and to give it back to the One who gave it to me is the only way to a fulfilling life.
I lay down my perfect body for a body that, although scarred and softer around the edges, carries and nourishes, comforts and protects flourishing little lives from the time they are single cells to far after they are born.
I lay down my perfect house and the magazine-worthy decorations and the perfectly organized pantry for a house that is messy, and chaotic, and worn but full of love and centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I lay down my good night’s sleep for nights that are interrupted and lonesome and long knowing that these nights are few in the grand scheme of life and my child will not be this little (or this cuddly) for very long.
I lay down my dream job and the promotions and the paychecks and the daily adult interaction to pursue the important job of raising my child as God has uniquely gifted and called me to do.
The Only Thing that Satisfies
I lay them all down, and die to these desires, knowing that they can never fully satisfy. And that the only thing that can satisfy has been given to me on the cross: a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe. God has given me Himself and that is always more than enough.
When I die to my worldly desires and my earthly hopes and lay them at his feet, God picks me up, breathes new life into me and enables me to follow him in obedience to His will for my life. And when I do, I find that dying to myself for Jesus’s sake, becomes a source of endless joy.