I have mixed feelings about the woman described in Proverbs 31. On the one hand, I deeply admire the wife of noble character. She is everything I aspire to be. She is industrious, trustworthy, good, kind, she takes care of her household and family, she gives to the poor. She is wise and strong. She is the perfect woman and I long to be just like her.
On the other hand, she is the perfect woman and I can’t stand her! Because no matter how hard I try I will never be as good as the Proverbs 31 woman. Her perfect character is unattainable in this lifetime. There are times when looking at her long list of accomplishments leaves me feeling defeated rather than inspired.
So I have a strong love/hate relationship with the Proverbs 31 woman. But there is one verse at the end of the chapter that helps me put the rest of the chapter into perspective. It is a verse of hope and not condemnation. This Friday morning, we’re going to use the Inductive Study method to take a look at Proverbs 31 verse 30.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
Context
The books of Proverbs is considered one of the wisdom books of the Bible. The book is mostly composed of short proverbs that teach the way of wisdom and warn against the way of the foolish. The proverbs were written by several different authors but a number of them are attributed to Solomon.
It’s important to remember when reading the book of Proverbs that each proverb is just that: a proverb not a promise. So while they state things that are generally true, there are exceptions to every statement. Proverbs are helpful when getting a general sense for the way of the wise (those who fear the Lord, Proverbs 9:10) but they are not promises that we can strictly hold to.
The verse we are looking at comes at the end of a discourse describing the characteristics of an excellent wife, far more precious than jewels (Proverbs 31:10). Take a minute and read Proverbs 31:10-31 (ESV) below:
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:10-31
Observation – What does it say?
Charm is deceitful
Dictionary.com describes charm as “a power of pleasing or attracting as through personality or beauty.” I had always thought of charm as a good thing. To call someone charming seemed a compliment. But this definition seems to give the word a rather negative connotation. How does one use the power to please and attract for anything other than selfish gain? With this connotation, it’s easy to see how the author of this Proverb would call this kind of charm deceitful.
and beauty is vain
The Hebrew word used for beauty in this context is a physical type of beauty, often used to describe the beauty of a woman. Vain means “futile” or “of no real importance”. The NIV says “beauty is fleeting”.
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Fear of the Lord can be a tricky thing to understand, but it’s an important theme throughout the book of Proverbs. Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,” and Proverbs 9:10 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” So if fear of the Lord is something women are to be praised for, it’s important that we understand it.
This fear of the Lord is not a fear of being hurt by the Lord, but rather it is a right and true reverence of the Lord. I love Tim Keller’s description of this reverent fear in his book Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God. He says:
“Because of an unutterable love and joy in God, we tremble with the privilege of being in his presence and with an intense longing to honor him when we are there. We are deeply afraid of grieving him. To put it another way – you would be quite afraid if someone put a beautiful, priceless, ancient Ming dynasty vase in your hands. You wouldn’t be trembling in fear about the vase hurting you but about your hurting it.”
For those who are in Christ, we are not afraid of hurting God (because we cannot hurt God), be we deeply fear grieving him when we come into his presence because he is so utterly holy and we are not. This is the kind of fear that is praiseworthy.
Interpretation – What does it mean?
My issue with the Proverbs 31 woman is in truth an issue of identity.
When we read the characteristics of a wise, godly woman and feel either inspired or intimidated, we need to ask ourselves what is it that gives us our worth as women?
Whether I’m feeling inspired or intimidated, I’m believing the lie that my identity, my worth as a woman, is found by how well I can keep up with the Proverbs 31 woman. When I’m feeling inspired, I’m believing that one day, when I finally reach the same perfection that this woman has attained, I will finally be a worthy woman. A woman who garners the praise of her husband and children. When I’m feeling intimidated, I’m believing that my worth is diminished by my inability to be and do all that the Proverbs 31 woman is and does.
But then verse 31 comes along and reminds me:
It’s not my charm that gives me my worth. Charm is deceitful.
Whether or not I have the power to please or attract people into liking and admiring me is of little value. My identity is not found in my ability to be charming. Earning praise for my charm will not make me more worthwhile.
It’s not my beauty that gives me my worth. Beauty is vain.
The NIV of this verse reminds us that beauty is fleeting. In this fallen world, our beauty always fades. To tie our worth to how beautiful we are is to see both our beauty and our sense of worth fade over time. It does not last. Our beauty is not stable enough to hold our identity as women.
We also know from elsewhere in scripture, that our good works do not give us our worth.
Ephesians 2:8,9 says “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
So that long list of all the wonderful things the Proverbs 31 woman does and all the wonderful characteristics she has do not make her worthy. Her praiseworthiness and her identity as a woman are not tied to her good works.
So what does make her worthy? What is her identity tied to? Why should she be praised?
Because a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Your worth, my worth, as women does not come from our charm, our beauty, or our ability to do all the things the Proverbs 31 woman does. Our worth comes from who we worship.
This is the key verse to rightly understanding how we should think about the Proverbs 31 woman.
And what’s more, on this side of the resurrection we know exactly where our identity is hidden. Colossians 3:3 tells us, “For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”
If you are in Christ, your identity and your worth are defined by the God who created you, the Son who died for you, and the Spirit who indwells you. Because Christ lived the perfect life we could not live and died the death we deserved, we are given his righteousness which makes us perfectly worthy before our Creator. This is such good news for those of us who cannot live up to the Proverbs 31 standard.
Application – How should this change me?
Here’s the crazy part. I can’t make myself more worthy by trying to live up to the standards of the Proverbs 31 woman. But because Christ makes me worthy and has sent his Spirit to live inside me, I am slowly but surely, year after year, becoming more and more like the Proverbs 31 woman. This is called sanctification, and praise God for it! Becoming more like the Proverbs 31 woman will never make me righteous, but by the grace of God through the work of his Spirit, I am able to become more and more like her.
So I now approach Proverbs 31 as a prayer. Lord, continue the good work in me that you have started (Phil. 1:6). Make me industrious, trustworthy, good, and kind. Help me take care of my household and family. Help me have compassion for the poor. Make me wise and strong.
And then I rest, knowing God will complete his work on the day of Christ Jesus. And I rest knowing that I am lovely because he loves me, I am worthy because Christ was worthy and my identity is safely hidden in Him.
Question for Discussion
How does the woman described in Proverbs 31 make you feel? Inspired or defeated?