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Does God Really Love Me? 

By Nancy VanAntwerp

Many years ago I was a young mom of three beautiful children born within the space of three years.  I was so thankful for them especially because I spent seven years hoping for them but experiencing the heartbreak of infertility.

I prayed for them and God answered my prayers beyond my expectations but they came with a lot of suffering.  Emily arrived the day after we moved.  This was just one of eight moves in ten years.  I learned to be a mother fast while unpacking that house.  A few months later I was pregnant with Katie and terribly sick.  Two years after that I was pregnant with Thomas and really sick again.  In between, both of them had
colic and cried all the time. 

My thought was that God had granted my request but for some reason thought I needed to receive it only through suffering. All my prayers for relief during this time were answered with a no.  My heart doubted that God really loved me.

Here is the problem: my definition of love was not God’s definition.  I felt that if God loved me he would grant me my heartfelt requests. He would spare me from pain and trouble and be a kind benefactor in all that I thought I needed.  I actually knew in my mind that this was not true but in my heart I felt betrayed. Because of all our moves we did not have a regular church during this time so there were no wise counselors to correct my thinking.

While preparing dinner one night, I was listening to a tape (yes a cassette tape) of the acapella group Glad singing “And Can it Be.”  This had been one of my favorite hymns for a long time but, this night I really heard it.  When the lyrics came to,

“And you my God
 And you my God
And you my God would die for me”

I nearly dropped to the floor.  How blind I had been!  How could I ever doubt the love of God. He died for me!  I had known this since I was a child but forgot it when life became hard and God seemed distant.  The tears started to flow but with both sadness and relief.  It was impossible for God not to love me.  How I had betrayed that love.  I knew Peter’s shame when he betrayed the Lord in the garden and the disciples left him.  What convincing proof that I am a sinner and I so desperately need my Savior.

Needless to say this experience changed me.  It produced in me a strong sense of trust in the Lord.  It also gave me a clearer outlook on life, more keenly aware of all the ways God loves me, through each day and through my life. 

Not all of us have to learn these lessons the hard way.  Learn the truth of Scripture and dwell on it so that it will come to your memory when life challenges you.  Paul expressed this in his prayer for the Ephesians –   

 “for this reason I bow my knees before the Father,
  from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,
  That according to the riches of His glory he may grant you to be
  strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being,
  So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith
  That you being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength
  To comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length
  And height and depth, and to know the love of Christ, that surpasses
  knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” 3:14-19

Remember, remember, remember, it is not possible for God not to love you.

Romans 5:8. “but God shows His love for us
                        In that while we were still sinners
                       Christ died for us.”

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